Summer Reads and Reviews: “The Four Agreements”

By: Breana Ross

The Four Agreements is a book that I’ve heard a lot of buzz about over the last year. I saw that several people I know were reading the book. I even got stopped by people who had read the book on the metro while I was reading the book on my way to work. If you’re looking for a summer read that will channel positivity and change the way you think, this is the book for you.

The author starts by explaining that, as people, we’ve all been programmed to think or act a certain way. Whether it has been because of parents, teachers, friends, or society, we’ve all been domesticated into what we should do and how we should be. We have “agreements” instilled within us, habits and internal judges that drive a lot of our behavior, sometimes because of the fear of going against what we know, have seen, or what we have been told is correct. Many of our “agreements” bring negativity and pain into our lives. The four new agreements that Don Miguel Ruiz presents are about reversing those agreements that bring negativity. They are about creating new positive agreements that will help us live the best possible life.

The First Agreement: “Be Impeccable with Your Word”

This agreement focuses on the power of words to either spread love or to spread hate. When we gossip or use our words to hurt another person, we are spreading hate and poison, which in turn, brings negativity into our lives. Don Miguel suggests that we only use our words to spread love and positivity, which will in turn, bring love and positivity into our lives.

The Second Agreement: “Don’t take anything personally”

When I saw this agreement, I chuckled a little because I am the queen of taking things personal. I am the first to think that someone’s words or actions towards me are BECAUSE of me or something that I’ve done. Don Miguel Ruiz suggests the opposite. He suggests that what people say or do to us says more about them than it does about us. For example, if someone calls me ugly, Ruiz suggests it says more about their character than it does about my actual appearance. Even with positive comments, Ruiz suggests that we don’t take them personally. If someone tells you you did a good job, it may just mean you did something to benefit them. Don Miguel Ruiz actually suggests that it’s SELFISH to think other people’s words and actions revolve around US. They don’t. So we shouldn’t take things personally.

The Third Agreement: “Don’t Make Assumptions”

A wise teacher of mine once wrote the word “assume” on the board, broken into three parts. After she wrote it, the word read

“Ass u me”.

She said, “The reason I did this is to show you that when you assume, you make an ass out of yourself and me”. All these years later, I still remember this saying because it is true. Assumptions lead to misunderstanding. Assuming is a recipe for trouble and that’s exactly what Don Miguel Ruiz says. When we assume, we are living and acting based on what is in our own heads and not based on what is reality. We can treat people poorly based on what is not even true. Instead of assuming, if you are curious about something, ask. This creates positivity because you can begin to walk in truth and not assumption.

The Fourth Agreement: “Always Do Your Best”

This seems to be common sense. When I read this, I said, “Ok duh. Of course you’re always supposed to do your best.” But when I read on and really thought about it, I don’t always put my best foot forward. I’m sure I’m not alone on this.  Sometimes we get tired, lazy, or discouraged and begin to slack off. Or we don’t get what we want right away so we stop trying. This is not to our benefit. When we don’t do our best we can’t get the best possible results for our lives. Then comes regret, thus not doing our best brings negativity into our lives. Doing our best brings positivity. This includes doing our best to follow the other agreements despite our preconditioning to do the opposite!

Overall this book is a smooth read. It’s relatively short. Although they are not things we are accustomed to doing, the agreements make sense. I have made a conscious decision to do my best (see what I did there) to follow the agreements!